I know it’s wrong to make threats against people, violent threats, involving automatic arms, tonnes and tonnes of ammunition, biological weaponry, high quantities of explosives and laser dildos – but Chris Rattue, this time I think I’ll make an exception.
You sir, are a muppet. And by muppet I’m not referring to the highly entertaining children’s show which made millions of dollars based on its unique characters, off the wall humour, brilliant dialogue and top-notch marketing. No. Because juxtaposing your talentless carcass with a phenomenon as luminous as the Muppets, would be an overstatement of South Serial Rapist back catalogue proportions. You sir, are a different sort of muppet. A muppet of the fuckwit variety.
Your vendetta against Sonny Bill Williams, disguising the lack of analysis in your already sub-standard journalism, is nothing short of pathetic. It really is the stuff high school tiffs are made of, and I’m honestly surprised that Zack, Slater, Kelly, the Screech and the rest of the cast from Saved by the Bell haven’t shown up in your opinion “columns” yet. Seriously, were you molested in the Fowldes Park car park? Touched inappropriately to the point you quivered as a 40-something tradesman inserted a 12-inch dildo deep into your nether regions? Because you’re anti-league sentiments are beginning to make us all wonder Gracie.
It’s ok to have an informed opinion or an educated bias. I know I do. Most people who know me, know I can’t stand Rugby Union as a sport, which correlates to my despise of it as a promotion tool and a television product. I have friends who play the game, I am a fan of some of the marquee athletes who play the sport, I’m fond of the GCs at the grassroots level, and blokes like Richard Turner aren’t half bad either. But the sport, as a whole, lacks the intensity, creativity, flair and ruthlessness that other sports produce in droves. In my opinion, Rugby Union is what it is – antiquated and boring, and its attempts at transforming itself into a hybrid Union/League combo make it look watered down and second-rate. I know Europeans can’t get enough of the sport, but that passion only exists where there have been decade-long prejudices against other codes heavily enforced by high levels of government, social hierarchies and corporate business. That is my opinion – I watch many different codes – NFL, rugby league, mixed martial arts, boxing, professional wrestling, the odd NBA and AFL game, football, and none are as piss boring as Rugby Union. I have an educated bias, you may not agree with my sentiments, but you can’t disagree with my logic.
However you, my unintelligent, illogical, nonsensical little friend, you are nothing short of a disgrace. Your analytical ability makes Fox News look like the Huffington Post, and your grudge against Sonny Bill Williams resembles the plot of a failed television series pilot, starring Jonathon Taylor Thomas and Shannon Doherty. No one is saying you have to like the guy, hell my opinion of the guy is mixed at times, but if you are going to write an article and make certain judgement calls – back your fucking shit up. Article upon article upon article questioning Williams’ ability on the rugby field and criticising his decision to box, none of which have any justification, have exposed you for what you are, a talentless, little man. From what I saw of Sonny Bill Williams on the field in 2010, on the whole I would say he was head and shoulders above 95% of the midfield backs currently playing in this country, third only behind Conrad Smith and Ma’a Nonu, two blokes who have cemented themselves as the best centre duo in the world thanks to near-five years experience playing together. Sure he had a poor performance in a test – everyone does, do you remember Christian Cullen being dropped for dropping the ball over the tryline a decision which forwent the countless times he had dotted over the line and won the All Blacks matches in the past? One poor performance doesn’t define a career, Mr. Rattue, if it did, Captain headache would have been playing in Europe long ago. And as for the boxing, it is on pay per view, so as a so called “boxing fan” you don’t have to watch it. However as a so called “boxing fan” you would know that heavyweights are piss boring to watch and have been for close to a decade and this is a statement which pay per view figures backs up. The fact that they are charging $30.00 to purchase the event is nothing short of a rip off – but nothing is stopping you popping in a Buffy dvd instead. Quit crying like a little, for lack of a better word, bitch and grow the fuck up.
I could point out case upon case of your lack of journalistic ability and analytical prowess, but we could be here all day. You called Sonny Bill Williams’ issue with his leg a stress fracture, which it isn’t. You called the officials who run the NRL “sad suits”, despite the game breaking attendance and ratings records last season. This one’s for the readers – Chris Rattue actually said the NRL was better without the salary cap, as a one-eyed Brisbane Broncos fan with a vested interest, I’d agree. But despite its flaws and issues surround its policing, I must admit the levelling of the competition has led to a greater interest – fans were sick of seeing Brisbane and Manly crush every team in their path. If you want to look at what happens when the talent isn’t spread more evenly, look no further than New Zealand Rugby. Mr. Rattue, you contradict yourself so often it’s not even remotely funny, sort of like a Will Ferrell film which doesn’t star Vince Vaughn. You criticise the NRL for not adopting the survival of the fittest attitude with regards to player retention, yet criticise the NZRL for allowing Williams a clause in his contract to box professionally in exchange for his image and ability on the pitch leading up to the World Cup.You need to get that 12 inch dildo out of your ass: just because the paper you write for encourages dumbed down, uninformed columns utilising content rehashed from press releases and hearsay, doesn’t mean that you do. That is all for now, hope you enjoy the fight this weekend, I know you’ll be secretly rooting for Sonny. And cheering for him too.
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